Letters to Anna #18

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I’m on crack! I’m a scam! I’m in love!

I found my “Vancouver”! I was not looking for it, but somehow he found me! He jump in my train and said “Hi, my name is LOVE, your LOVE!”

It’s hard and easy to write about my “Vancouver”, about how he light me up! I’m f..ing glowing!

Remember we talked latley about love and finding the one? The one who makes you be you, no restrictions? How we gonna find that complete feeling, if we ever??? I was giving “him” up, I was thinking about it, dreaming about it, but…I was in peace! I understood that is not to be found, and “my Vancouver” is just a page in a book that I will not have the chance to write.

Well…I was wrong! So wrong, Anna, so wrong! It’s the first time in my life when I have no problem of being wrong. :))))))

I was not looking for it…Ohhh, girl!…It hit me hard and strong! !…It appeared from nowhere and sweep me of my feet! Haaaaa, you will think that I lost my balance, en contraire, ma chérie, I found my balance!

I discover how it feels to float, to fly, to levitate…I’m a magician!

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The second he introduced himself to me I was lost! You know that I have the habit to look people in their eyes, I had the same boldness with him too, I was staring! This time tho, the eyes are staring back, and I’m the first to look away! I got lost in the moment, this eyes captivated and intrigued me at the same time. I wanted to freeze time and look closer! What’s their story, what makes them spark, how they smiling? How do I feel like I know them from somewhere, so familiar, so intimate, so mine? God, he has some eyes!

It’s funny, I remember my Grandma telling me this, one time :”When you fall in love you should fall for the eyes, they are the only thing that never grow old. Everything else will change, you will change too, but the eyes will be the same. If you fall for the eyes and he can keep you close just looking at you, the quest is over, you found “the one”! I remembered that the second I meet his haze!

“Fall for the eyes, my child!”

Faith has this ways of trowing something in front of you that you never expected!

But wait…..

I got scared, I didn’t want this! What if is not real, what if is just my need of love projected on this beautiful man?

Nop! Wrong agin! :)))) I was not that “lucky”! :)))))))

The feeling is so real, I never dream of love being that complete, strong and free! I feel naked in front of him. And I’m not talking about clothes, tho I feel the need to put some extra ones every time he’s looking towords me, my soul is naked.

20160605_033014He sees ME!

And you know that I love taking risks…tho…it feels more like a gift than a risk.

I dived in this feelings like I dive in the ocean, with all of me, not caring if the water is cold or what the depth is hiding. I just let the water embrace me and corres my skin, my soul! I enjoy the tranquility!

This love is crazy…the way I feel about him is crazy…

I love the way he speaks, and how he’s using the words! I can listen to him for hours, actually I did listen for hours, mesmerized. I love the way he acts, he is so simple, so complex, and so genuine. I love him the way he is, so comfortable with himself, all of him. I don’t want or need him to change anything. His imperfections are perfect for me, thats why hi’s special! That is the true essence of beauty, to me.

I’m grateful for him jumping in my train, have no words to thank him for that.

His love makes me be open, true, no games, no need to impress, no need to be someone I’m not. And because I’m like that he is the same way. He doesn’t mind if I talk to much or if I say nothing, he enjoys my presence. You know how hard is to find someone who likes YOU, to think that your flaws are incredible? I use to think it was impossible, wrong thinking!

It’s so uniq to fell asleep in his arms and wen you wake up HE is still there, unchanged, the same person that you went to bed with. He still smiles at you and don’t want to let go if you try to leave. “Lay down a little bit more”!

You lay a little bit more, and you realize that you don’t need to speak, the words are not needed! That embrace is all you live for, you want to stop time and just feel that moment!

My “struggle” with time and quest for so many memories stopped with him! I don’t need different memories anymore, I need memories of him being happy!

20160602_053052It’s all that I want, and need….HIM to be happy!

Can’t believe my luck, I get to talk about THE love. I’m so soft, but completely happy!

You know what else? ….He makes me think about future, getting better is not just “if” anymore, getting better is a necessity! I want to have a future, tho in a wired way is not a future for/with him I think about, is a future in wich I can make him proud of my adventures. HE makes me want to “kill” my Beast!

I don’t want to tell you more about him, I need to keep something for myself! All I want you to know is that I completely love him, unconditionally and free.

I have half of his heart, he has my whole one! My walls are down!

Finally, my mind and body are breathing!

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Exited about the future?  Hell yeaaaa!

#AtlantaYouBringMeLife#HapppyF…ingFeet

Letters to Anna #17

20160516_234912I fall in Love! I cheat!!!

Hei Anna, I need to tell you about my quest for love! But this is not a “normal” love, this is “going crazy for” one!

I fall in love with places! I need that hunger, that rush in my blood, those butterflies in my stomach, that urge for the time to stop!

I fall in love with a place the same way you fall for a special boy! The difference is that your love for a boy may turn out to be not that special and you fall out of it, my “Loves” are always special and I never fall out of them. I fall and I fall hard, I fall at first sight, I get swept away by the beauty of every one of “them”! The more I discover about the “soul” of one, the deeper I fall and wish for more. The good and the bad is that those feelings never go away. They get under your skin and make you twitch of pleasure every time you think of the time spend “together”.

This type of Love, it’s addictive! You don’t want to stop, you always need more, and more, and f… mooooooreeeee!

This love makes me cheat and have no remorse! I give my heart so easy, it’s crazy, but can’t help it!

San Fransisco didn’t play hard to get, and I must admit I fall for his beauty and cheated! Yup, I cheated on NY with San Francisco! I fall in love with your “San Fran”, Anna, and now we share the same “love” too!

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First I fall in love with the name, San Francisco! It made me think of Science Fiction, SF, that intrigued the hell out of me. That’s how I knew it was special before I laid my eyes on “him”. I was curious how much “SF” has in it. His lights seduced me, but again, I always fall for the lights. He embraced me with his warm arms and let me experience his curvy streets. Beautiful and sunny curves! And the way his streets are dressed is exquisite, I felt blessed!  Tho his heart is old, the way I like it, his mind is hungry for everything new. Building by building, new or old, welcomed me and allowed me to discover their true beauty. From time to time I found myself lost for words, but I didn’t really have the need to speak, I felt the need to stop and breathe…the hot and breezy air sneaking into my chest makes me feel alive. It’s funny tho, in that moment every “need” of any kind disappeared completely from my mind…total blackness for “the need”…only happiness! My eyes were happy too, you know my craziness, quest for colors, I found so many colors…good thing that I had my sun glasses on! :))))

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The crazy part is that SF made me fall in love for his people too, and I’m not crazy ’bout every “Love’s” people. This guys made me smile all the time, they make me feel like time stopped. Everyday was a holiday, that’s how I felt! They took away the rush that my beloved NY brings on a “date”, and made me slow down for a change!

This Love is special tho, ’cause after keeping me happy for a few days and showing me his beauties, he whisper in my ear… “you must see the water”!

so…

13230320_10153888171113801_1951790578179156899_nPacific Cost = “the water”! 

I felt all the feelings that a lover feels, excitement, happiness, joy, rushing blood, a little bit jealousy and peace. For the first time, in a long time, I felt that “TIME” is not my “enemy” anymore. Refreshing thought, right?!

I felt like I belong there, I didn’t want to move, I didn’t need to…I just had to…maybe, someday, one day…I will ride those waves!!!

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Tho it’s heartbreaking, I had to go!

I told him ” it’s not you to blame, it’s me! I do this all the time, I’m scared of commitment! But, don’t worry, I don’t think I’ll find some “other” to settle down with.”…Not soon!… I love to be “in love”!…:)))))

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This Love has given me so much memories…so…this is never enough, I feel like I had much…If I’m gone tomorrow I have no regrets!

13232886_10153877703263801_1861332203755719864_nThank you for memories SF!

 

I can’t wait to see what my next love has to offer….ATLANTA!

Letters to Anna #12

imageLife-simply gorgeous!

What happened with this world? People forget to live, they say they’re living but they’re not!
I’m looking at the people on the sub and I see no happy faces! Everyone forgot how to smile? Everyone forgot to be happy?

I have to write this to you….so…

Today, my dear, it’s about you! My friends, my NY family, my laughs, my reason to be here, my love, my happiness and joy!
It’s so natural to be happy everyday with you guys! I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I thank God for the mysterious ways that brought me to you!

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Life is so fragile and precious, people forget that we have to make the best of it not waste it!
It’s so easy to smile, try it right now, your muscles will be happy!

What it takes to make us happy every second of the day? What are we chasing? Why do we sacrifice our life? Why do we sacrifice our true happiness?
Some ppl live only seeking success! But
success is something you attract if you work on yourself, it’s not something that you will reach by pursuing it. If you’re not a better person, if you don’t give love, for you and for those close to you…then WTF are you doing with your life?

Don’t get me wrong, life is not easy, but you have two choices: you can choose to turn hardship into learning experience and find happiness, or you can dwell in the “why this happens to me, it’s not fair!!” and find unhappiness!

Today I was looking at you girls and I could not describe the “enormous” love I felt in those moments! My smile had no chance to leave my face!

I’m so f…ing lucky to have you! I even did my happy feet dance!
Thank you God!

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You know, ppl underestimate the power of love, they don’t understand that love is the key to happiness. You can have all the richness in the world, but If you don’t have love, you have nothing!

Some people say that money will by them love and happiness. In a way that could be true, but they will always know that they paid “good money” for it!

That reminds me of this article that you sent me about Harvard’s 75 year study about “living a happy life”….they began in 1938 and in 2012 they published the “astonishing” findings. There is no secret ingredient, the study revealed what everyone of us should realize ” Happiness is LOVE”!

Happiness is not money, surprise, surprise!

The study revealed that “our relationships with other people matter more then anything else in the world”. “Healthy relationships serve as an indicator for overall life satisfaction and for career satisfaction.”
Haaaa….I’m so there with that conclusion, I’ve always been.
Also, the study says ” in terms of achievement, the only thing that matters is that you be content at your work”…you know “love what you do, do what you love” kind of thing…and “not the amount of money you make is important to your happiness, but how you spend it!”

So….

In conclusion …it’s not too late to start “wasting” your time chasing for love, in order to have a happy life!

You know me….I always say: you have to look for stories, you have to live for memories.

When we have 80 years, hopefully, we are gonna remember what we loved not how much money we spent! Or we will think about money, we will think on how much money we spent on the loved ones! :))))))

It’s not the bad things that shape our life, it’s the love you give and the love you receive, so…the good memories shape our life.

imageimageLife=love=happiness!

#happyfeet

Letters to Anna #10

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My lovely Anna, thank you for coming for dinner after work! I loved the fact that were just us! Sometimes I don’t want to share my friends, I’m selfish like that!
We talk about everything, like always, but then you ask about my morning!
I realize that I try to run away from that morning the entire day!
I had to tell you…though is hard to talk about it!
So…My dear Anna…let me see if I can “paint this picture” in words?!

My morning was refreshing and painful in the same time!

I’m gonna skip the introduction and jump at the important part.

My alarm was “screaming”, 7:00 am!

My friend’s voice came from the other room: “Dana come here! Come here!”
I said “Yes, what do you need?”
Friend: “Come here, come to bed!”
I did, I listened to him and climbed on to his bed. He knew exactly what to do, he hugged me and he made me feel welcomed, because I was! But instead of being happy (you know me and the hugs) this feeling of emptiness came to conquer me and took me by surprise.
I knew and felt that his arms were around me but they were not “mine”!
That moment I realized what was missing in my life and I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
His hugs made me feel pain, the pain of not being loved!
I faced the “emptiness” and I had to admit that: I miss “him”, I’m empty inside without “him”. I need “his” hug, “his” bed. I need “him” to make me believe that I belong there, whatever “there” is! I want “him” to feel the need for me! I want to be the reason of many smiles on his face, the silent breath when he sleeps, the serenity of his face expression, the easiness in his ideas, the happiness in his days! And I want “him” to be the same in mine!
You gonna ask me, my dear Anna, “Who is him”?
“Him” is LOVE!
Though I’m lucky to be alive and have a lot of love in my life: love for my friends, love for my work, love for this city, love for life basically.

I miss THE LOVE!

It’s funny, cause I don’t look for it but that doesn’t mean is not missing!

I know…it’s hard to find it…but I’m a dreamer and I’ll keep dreaming.
someday…somehow…maybe…somewhere

#happyfeet

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Happy to live another day!

Letters to Anna #9

 

imageFaces of love!

I’m intrigued ’bout love! Love in any form: love for life, friends, food, work and love for the other half, the greatest one (tho I don’t believe that such a thing exist anymore)!

I’m intrigued and curious, tho I have to admit “love” is the only thing that scares me in this life. At the same time it’s the thing that drives me!

So…

How you recognize the love, how do you know it’s the one? How many “right” loves can you meet in one life? What if you find “the one” and you’re not able to keep it and you lose it? Will you find it again? Can you love two “right” ones at the same time?
What are the signs that it is the one???
Where does infatuation end and where love begin? Where does love disappear after some time? What if you find the one and you don’t realize it because you are too focused on the chase? ….These are the “???” that everybody asks.
A lot of questions, right?!! I told you, I’m intrigued!

Why does everybody “fight” with this? What is love?

So…I looked for aanswers…

From a doctor’s perspective:
“Biologically, love is a powerful neurological condition like hunger or thirst, only more permanent. We talk about love being blind or unconditional, in the sense that we have no control over it. But love is basically chemistry. While lust is a temporary passionate sexual desire involving the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and oestrogen, in true love, or attachment and bonding, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals: pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin. However, from an evolutionary perspective, love can be viewed as a survival tool – a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual defence and parental support of children, and to promote feelings of safety and security.” by Jim Al-Khalili, theoretical physicist and science writer.
Hmmm…makes sense…I understand the mechanism behind it…but still…
Do we need love to survive?
I definitely do! It’s not like I’m gonna die, really die, but my life would be empty and that’s the truly death of ME!

From a romantic view:
“Love is always leaving the door unlocked and continuing that love when ‘other’ may choose to use the exit. Love is letting go and wishing well. Love is aching joy. Love is the safe haven. Love is arriving home.” by Howard Jones
Ohh, how I love music!…
What about that? It filled your heart, right? My heart is already bursting with this kind of love! I know “this love” so well, sometimes I feel like it’s too much!

From a nun view:
“The paradox of love is that it is supremely free, yet attaches us with bonds stronger than death. It cannot be bought or sold; love is life’s greatest blessing.” by Catherine Wybourn, Benedictine nun.

Haaaa…that’s a perfect definition of it!

So…what did I learn reading about love?
I learned that I don’t know anything! The only way I can begin to understand it is letting myself experience it without fears!
So….
From my view:
“LOVE is not what you want, it’s what you ARE!” The second approach will end the search for it, love will find you!
For me love is directly related to happiness!
And that applies to everything that I do! My way of “loving” someone is super simple. I want people that I love to be happy, I feed from their happiness.
If I know that you are happy having me around, you’re stuck with me forever!
If I know that my presence is not making you happy anymore, I will let you go ’cause I want you to be happy!
If it hurts me or not doesn’t matter, I need my loved ones to be happy in order for me to be happy!
If I broke up the relationship it’s because I felt my unhappiness. As harsh as it my be, if one is not happy none will be happy.
If you broke up with me and you think I’m hurting? Think again! I’m not! I will love you more for setting me free. Free to find another love that will enhance my growth, because for me love is not vindictive or selfish.
I heard this saying once: “love is the substance from which we are made”. That makes perfect sense for me, ’cause If you think about it we are basically the creation of our parents’ love.

So…
What I grasp to understand so far is that love is the foundation of creation!

I don’t need reasons or special days to feel and show love! Everything that I do and everything that I am is LOVE!

I wish people would understand that, it will be less drama in the world!

“From love, to love, by love.”image

“I’m love!”…”Let’s grow!”

#happyfeet

Letters for Anna #8

imageHello Clarice!”

Today I’m gonna tell you about Clarice!

She is beautiful, hearted, genuine, gorgeous… in one word she’s Perfect!
I’m thinking bout the fact that nothing in life is just happening! I met Clarice for a reason, she is the definition of good, she makes my life better!
Her story is powerful…I’m not gonna tell the story of her life because it is not mine to tell…but she had no easy life! That’s why it is so fucking awesome!

One day I was “lost” in my thoughts and she told me the story of shoelaces!

You know the story!

…………………………..
I’ve never seen her sad, she’s smiling and singing all the time! The only time I’ve seen a trace of sadness was when I asked bout Anthony. I had no idea he left! But that’s another story to tell.

I’m in love with Clarice, with her strength, with her passion, smile, voice….everything!
And she winks…so European, right?!

But last night it was her birthday and we went dancing.

Is a saying that you can tell a lot about the way people are, if you observe them dancing.
Clarice? O God, Clarice looooveees to dance!
She’s flowing through music!

We are so lucky to have her in our lives, to have our one duchess!
Yes, she’s a duchess for me!image

So….:”Remember the time when we went to Fat Baby and realized that the baby wasn’t fat?!”

Happy birthday Caroline!image

Letters to Anna #2

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Me and God…

…use to laugh together!

My dear Anna, did I tell you about my “relationship” with God? No? Well… Like all relationships…It’s complicated!

For the last 8 and half months I was giving him the silence treatment!
I became “serious” because I believed I have the right to be. Stupid choice!

I didn’t want to listen his jokes anymore.

The last one wasn’t that great, I didn’t even smiled! Basically I was upset with him and his laughter, cos I didn’t get the joke!
But it’s not him to blame for my leak of humor! It’s me for not seeing the irony and how funny it was!
Today I remember the fun we have in the past and I realized I missed it.
So…
I “called” him and asked to tell me a joke so I can see if I’m laughing again!
He told me I still have a “pending laugh” from the last one. And he reminded me the way he said it and wen.
This time it was hilarious, I laugh so hard that my ayes burst in to tears!
But now I have a joke too, better than his!

The joke is simple:”I don’t care who is winning the game anymore! I love playing it!”

Better said living it!!!!

He was laughing and asked me were is that coming from? I reviled that his last joke inspired me! For the first time since we started this “laughing game” he was impressed! Why do I think that? Because he “said” that now he has to look for a better one!
I’m sure it will take him a while! It’s tough to mach the last one, though he will mastermind something…I’m sure of that!

But now I will be ready to take it and laugh my ass of…like I always did!
So bring it on God! You gave me freedom and that’s power, power to choose the way I live this life!

My dear Anna…#happyfeet!
I’m ready to laugh with him again!

IMG_7810        I hope he is too!