Time!
Hey Anna,
it’s been a long time!
Oh God, I had some challenging days!
You know that I live my life day by day and try to make the best of every second that I have. I make the “mistake” to dream of future, to think of a purpose and make a plan to reach it!
That’s when the “Beast” tap my shoulder and said “HI, I’M HERE, what about me?!” For the first time in my life I got scared, I let my fears concur me!
What if I can’t make it? What if I don’t have time to do it? What If, what if and what if…???…so…I close my eyes and pretend that the Best is not there, trying to ignore it, hoping it will go away. Worst idea ever, because I still feel his breathe on my neck!
The irony is, I made things way too complicated, and concentrate on things that I can’t control instead of the one that I can! I felt sorry for today instead of dreaming for tomorrow!
I let my “Beast” take control of everything, I let “what if I cant’t” to start my sentences and my actions. Basically I lost myself!
Till one day… I was walking in the city and catched my reflection in the mirror windows. I stopped and looked at that girl! I’ve seen a stranger… that smile, those eyes…not mine, not ME!
The funny thing is that I did’t realize me being gone, again. I was too focused on ignoring the “Beast” presence!
so….
I thought to ask for help, and you know I hate asking for help, but who can help me “kill” the “Beast”? My family, my friends? No! My dr.’s? Not yet!
But is my fault in some extent, I never talked fully about it, how “ugly” is and what are my options. No one knows what’s going on exactly, I always say “I’m fine”! I believed that if i ignore it, wi’ll disappear. I know, is silly! It’s ironically too, ’cause I’m the best on giving proper advices and helping others, but I can’t help myself or follow my own “preachings”.
so…
I took a deep breath, open my eyes, and face the “Beast”! The decision was clear and silly easy. I have to become friends with “Beast”! I will do everything in my power to achieve it, is the only way I can rediscover myself and move forward!
I need to have faith in myself again!
First, I believe that I’m here for a reason. I have to believe that!
I have a purpose, it’s a simple and a big one, suits me perfectly! Tho, I have to have faith that I’ll make the right choices for me in order to reach it.
I’m lucky to love doing my work and have passion for it!
But to find something like that, I had to get out from my comfort zone (I don’t like comfort zone) and work in a place where I meet enterprising and exiting people! People that I can trust and consider part of my family! That’s how you find that one thing you’re uniquely shaped to do, and get exposed to new opportunities. It took me a while, but I found it, I found “work” that I love doing!
I face my fears every day, and I always look forward to the next big challenge!
I was thinking a lot about my purpose in live, and I think I finally got it. It was never about doing a lot of little things but about being the best at one thing. It’s about having a big dream, and expecting big things of yourself and others, in order to make it real. That’s how you build yourself, your legacy…in the real world.
so…I promise myself to focus on being the best version of ME, and totally love that version!
Hopefully someday, many years from now, we’ll be sitting in the office, and it will occur to us that we’ve done quite well, and we’ve been successful on reaching our dreams.
Like someone said : “If you want big things out of life, must expect big things of yourself.”
I intend to do that!!!
After all, that’s what I live for, dreams, passion, challenges and building memories!
