Letters to Anna #7

IMG_1016  Fifty shades of pain!

“She” hit me again…I wander why that hard?! It should be easier by now…I thought we became friends and understand each other…I was wrong! :))))

I remember talking with a stranger about “everything” and at one point he said: “you have a particularly way to see and accept
the bad”
I know, that’s a understatement of how I can manage the “bad”, but this pain it’s my favorite. “She” makes me wish for things that I postponed till now, she makes me act without restrictions!
Because of her I throw away my “safe card”!

I may loose this battle with “her”…😈😱😈..
But that doesn’t mean I surrender the war!

And you know how they say that the good things come in 3 pairs?

It’s true!

Because of her, I got to work late!
I couldn’t go up in the office like that, so I text you and Boss that I’ll be late!

I was me, myself and I …tired of her…overthinking everything…:)

He ask me to stay and talk! Usually I look forward to Boss “talkings”(I don’t know if such word exists), he’s super smart, but today I’m “scared”! It’s scary the way he reads me, I feel “naked” in front of him and vulnerable. I’m not comfortable with someone having that power over me, I wanna hide!
Both of you have the power to hurt me, because you “know” ME. That’s THE most scary thought!

He said “Let me help you! Let us help you!” I looked in to his eyes, it was genuine care there. That was shocking for me, never knew how to react on that, because I didn’t have any experience with this kind of care. That look make me wish for invisibility power! I wished to be small and disappear.
He knew exactly what to say to make me cry and shake inside. It’s the 2nd time he sees me like these, he will think I’m weak, and this is not weakness this is a form of my pain. That pain that makes you wonder how/why/for what…?
The pain who makes you wanna sty and not runaway anymore! The pain who makes you look for answers and solutions of the problem instead of ignoring it!


He can’t help me. At this point no one of my friends can!
I have to deal with…alone

Let me own this fucking “gal”!